Birth Story: Jacqueline & Fitz
AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS
Before I tell you my birth story, I should probably start with the birth plan…
The best way for me to describe my birth plan is to say I had a “Pinterest perfect” birth plan outlined and 100% thought most things would go according to that plan.
My birth plan was complete with (but not limited to) a Spotify playlist of 6 hours (because who active labors longer than that). A super plush comfy robe (for my grand exit from the birth pool). A rebozo scarf. Check. Check. The coveted and extremely hard to find liquid yoga room spray (if you find it in stock you better act fast). Update: Please do not go hunting for liquid yoga anymore as they have updated the ingredients and it is no longer safe for use during pregnancy.
Spoiler alert: NONE of those things made an appearance during my birth. In my case, running that birth plan through a paper shredder, then burning whatever remained would have done more good (and been more fun!) than trying to rely on it as an actual plan. Little did I know, this plan would provide value, just not in the way I thought it would.
I studied hypnobirthing for months, read every pregnancy book under the sun (ok, ok maybe not every book), had meditation methods coming out my ears, and took a deep dive into all things positive and calming. Truth be told- those things did not help me.
Sidebar* [this is 100% not the case for everyone. I know women who got their Pinterest perfect birth and it was everything you and I can imagine and more. So aim high, Mama, and read more birth stories on our blog to hear about other experiences that went a bit more according to plan.]
So what did help me?
Not being afraid to be my own health advocate. It’s a fine line to walk especially when navigating an unfamiliar healthcare system. You have to consider the advice of doctors, but you also know more than anyone in the room about what is happening in your body. YOU can feel your body, your baby, your progress and ultimately must also articulate that perspective to the doctors or midwives.
You know what else helped me during labor…
My birth plan. Yep, we’re going to loop back around to that crumbled, charred, torn up, good for nothing birth plan. Because with a little distance I realized that birth plan in fact, helped me more than I could have ever known in the moment.
Expect the unexpected during labor and delivery is a MAJOR understatement. Even with that being said, I’m still a firm believer in birth plans. They force you to go through the motions of considering all outcomes and situations.
The beginning of labor
But back to my story… Labor didn’t start out in a way that gave warning of what was to come. I woke up at 40+4 to what I assumed was my water breaking… but there just wasn’t a lot of liquid. In hindsight, likely my water did break (only a small tear), but bc my baby was (spoiler alert) SO big he likely plugged it up again right away.
The next 24 hours can be summed up by saying I got really familiar with contractions. Not the kind you can’t talk through, but the ones you definitely notice. By the time I had gone a full 24 hours I called the midwives for the second time to come by. They came in the early morning hours and decided since I wasn’t dilating even though I was having consistent contractions, it was time for me to go to the hospital.
If you live in The Netherlands and your pregnancy has been uneventful then you are under midwife care. If and when they transfer you to the hospital, they have to call ahead and see who has availability. My midwife made call after call- my 3 top hospital choices were full! Finally we found one that had space and drove over.
Transferring to the hospital for birth
Now, if someone told me I was going to have an epidural, I would have laughed and said no way. I planned to go au naturel and knowing just how stubborn I am, I never EVER thought that would change. Hour 24 of labor I was beggin’ for some pain relief.
Cue another day full of waiting and changing positions, waiting as they upped the pitocin, and waiting some more. Finally after many hours I was dilated enough to push. However, in the midst of pushing I knew something was wrong. The epidural was turned off and I did not feel him descending. AT ALL. I was exhausted and asked for a second opinion from the other doctor on shift.
My moment as a health advocate
If someone told me I was going to end up asking for a c-section and a second opinion, I would have shrugged it off and said, “NEVER!” I was completely and adamantly against a caesarean section unless it was an emergency. As labor progressed and the atmosphere in the room became more intense with doctors, doulas, and nurses telling me I needed to keep pushing- I knew what was right for me and my baby, and I knew continuing to push was not that.
It sounds pretty simple as I write the words now, but the situation was really anything but simple. For a long time, no one listened to me or my requests. Sitting in a hospital bed, fully dilated, ready to give birth is already a vulnerable feeling. As you can imagine, not being listened to makes that feeling stronger.
But I didn’t let it go. I just kept asking for a second opinion. Over and over and over again. Finally the other doctor came in and confirmed my baby wasn’t moving down the birth canal so off to the operating room we went.
As soon as we headed to the OR a sense of total calm came over me. I knew that having a caesarean was going to make my recovery more challenging, but I also knew I was making the best decision for me and my baby. Was I disappointed? Sure, I mean I was ALL IN on that Pinterest perfect birth. I will say though, there are positives in every situation and over time I have even seen positives come out of a caesarean.
The importance of being your own health advocate
This is where being your own advocate is immensely important and truly why I created Planning For Baby. Learning to be your own best health advocate can absolutely change the experience you have in labor and birth. Even if things don’t go according to plan, you and always you, have the ability to get a new plan on track. It doesn’t matter if it’s Plan A, B, C, or Z- if you’ve done the homework, you know your options.
I am part of a tiny percentage of women who grow babies this big. Even though the healthcare providers assumed he was a big baby, NO ONE expected him to be THAT big. So they make the best decisions they can based on experience. After my caesarean multiple healthcare professionals reassured me I made the right call.
One of the doctors overseeing my care in the hospital even joked I got “the full package” when it came to childbirth. I cracked a joke in response and she was quick to point out it was incredible I still had a sense of humor considering everything that happened. Sometimes, truly, all you can do is laugh (full transparency: I also cried AND went to therapy AND worked through it).
A year later in the midst of Motherhood
In the end I had a long and challenging recovery, but a perfectly healthy and happy baby boy. So I suppose everything is still right in world (wait, actually… well let’s not get started on ‘everything’). Fitzgerald Arden was born at 9:59PM on September 10th, 2019 weighing in at a whopping 4.448 kilos. Yes, you read that right. He’s only a few ounces off of putting me in the baby birth weight bracket that 5% or less women have.
As we approach his first birthday he is everything I imagined and more. Adventurous, fearless, loving, definitely has a strong sense of humor and is equally strong willed and, well… he makes the sun seem to shine a little brighter.
My takeaway from this experience
Buuut, if I were to do it all again I’d surely come to the table with a different hand. One where I was even more proactive and advocated for myself before I ended up in a situation where I had to. A few basic communication hacks to help my husband and I communicate with healthcare providers wouldn’t have hurt either.
I founded Planning For Baby so you have resources to guide you through educational advice and have a good ‘ol strategy sesh to prep for birth. During this time in your life those things can be invaluable. We’ll talk the good, the not so good, & everything inbetween.
Fair warning though- you’re going to make a birth plan.
